Searching for my Voice

I am not an Accident

2010-09-20T20:30:00.000-07:00

I never have thought I was an accident I always knew I was planned by my parrents, but I never really thought about my being planned by God. Thinking that he has planned all my days and had planned them from thr begining of time is very humbling and freeing. He created me to be exactlly who I am and has a reason for me being who I am, how I am and,where I am.

New Begining

2010-09-19T16:29:00.000-07:00

Over the next 40 daysI will be studying the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren along with everyone else at Hub City Church. I hope to use theis blog to keep track of my progress good and bad.
I am both excited and scared about this study. Excited because over the next month and a half I will discover the purpose of my life. Scared because I know it will require some changes, what those are yet I don't know, but I do know there are things in my life I like just the way they are. One of those things is I like to me in control of me, of course thet is the greatest falasy because I 'm really not and never have been , everything is in Gods control. Hopefully over the next 40 days I will learn to let go of me and my plans for my life and cling more to him and his plans for me, which are greater than I could even imagine.

The Christmas tree Debate or A New Found Respect for Ebenezer Scrooge

2008-11-29T17:32:00.000-08:00

Right up front let me say I love Christmas. I love shopping for the perfect gifts for my family and friends. I love driving around and looking at the Christmas lights and decorations. I love going to Dickens of a Christmas downtown. This having been said every year it gets harder and harder to decorate my own space. It has not always been this way. I used to pride myself on my Christmas decorations. I have a closet full of Christmas decorations and the overflow is scattered in every closet and cabinet through out my place. If I do Christmas in all its glory every picture comes down and is replaced with Christmas pictures every knick-knack is pakced up and replaced with Santa’s, I have a Santa collection to rival anyone’s. The Kitchen and bathrooms even get makeovers I have a Santa shower curtain and toilets seat and tank cover Christmas towels, even Santa burner covers for my stove. I used to have friends over for Christmas Eve so I could justify the time and effort it took to transform my home, but now they have a new home and we spend Christmas Eve there. It just seems pointless to do all this work for just me. Just when I decide I am not going to decorate, this Scrooge like feeling washes over me. Old Ebenezer may have been right maybe there are parts of this season that are Bah-Humbug.
This year I made a compromise I did put up the tree but the pictures and knick-knacks remained, the kitchen and bathroom are not decorated, I didn't even dig out the Christmas comforter for my bed. As for the future, well Scrooge eventually found his Christmas joy maybe someday my joy of decorating for the season will return.

Why I'm a Democrat

2008-09-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

Because I believe that all people should be treated fairly.
Regardless of whatever makes us different we all deserve the same rights and privileges as everyone else.

Because I know that no matter how much we preach and teach abstinence teenagers will still have sex. Should they be taught that abstinence is the only way to definitely prevent pregnancy and STD's, yes. They should also be taught how to protect themselves if they chose to have sex.

Because I believe that a woman has the right to chose whether she is mentally , spiritually and financially ready to bring a new life into this world.

Because I believe that all people should pay there fair share to support our society.
Those who have more should pay more those who have less should pay less.

Because we have done enough damage to our environment.
Drilling for more oil is not the answer. We should be AGGRESSIVELY pursuing wind and
solar energy.

Just because past generations have past on their debt to us does not mean we have to continue this cycle for future generations.

I Want

2008-08-22T23:19:00.000-07:00

I want too much.
I have been very blessed and have all the things I need , food , shelter, clothing. Yet still I have wish lists on several shopping websites of things I want, not that I have space for more thing my closets and cabinets are full. Thus I want a house so I can have more room for more things that I don't need but just want. There are times when I feel I need a present and will go shopping just to try and find something to buy. This has to stop. I don't need anymore things. It is just madness I want thus I buy , but it does keep the economy going and that is a public service .. right?... Isn't that why we got our extra check from Uncle Sam... But I digress just because it is good for the US economy doesn't mean it is good for my personal economy. How do I stop wanting so much? I've got to figure that one out ?

Vacation Art

2008-08-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

I did find time to visit 2 art galleries both in Ft Lauderdale and Hollywood Fl. The Pictures are from the exhibit at the Hollywood Gallery entitled "The Art of the Brick" All of the pieces are created with Legos. The artist is Nathan Sawaya and his website is http://www.brickartist.com/.

Gay Vacation

2008-08-01T13:04:00.000-07:00

I spend the other week on vacation in Fort Lauderdale. It was nice to get away for a week to a place were LGBT people are an open part of the everyday fabric of life. Ft Lauderdale is a safe haven for LGBT people in fact there are certain areas where we are the majority. While I am far from in the closet here There is a different comfort level when you are in a place were same sex couple can stroll down the street hand in hand. While I am lucky and have friends who love and accept me as I am. I know not all people feel the same and there is always that sense of cautious fear. While the upstate may never be the hotbed of gay life it is my hope, my dream, that some day labels like gay, straight, etc will not matter and that we can all realize that love is love and folks is folks, and that I can live with out that sense of cautious fear.

Wisdom From Avenue Q

2008-07-18T18:11:00.000-07:00

I went to see Avenue Q last night and I thought I would share some wisdom from the show.

It sucks to be me... don't laugh it sucks to be you too.

Everyone is a little bit racist.

The Internet is for Porn.

Sometime when someone likes you they'll make you a mix tape to give you a clue.

You can be as Loud as the hell you want when your making love.

Fantasies do come true.

There is life outside your apartment...but you have to open the door.

The more you love someone the more you want to kill him.

When you help someone your also helping yourself.

Everything in life is only for now.

Life may be scary but it's only temporary.

Duncan Park

2008-07-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

Wedding Blues

2008-07-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

I attended a wedding the other night. Weddings are a mixed bag for me, while I am happy for the couple, the thought always goes through my mind when is it going to be my turn. Now before you say anything I now that is completely selfish and I should not be thinking about myself at such an event, but if this blog is going to be the journey of self discovery, I hope it to be I have to be honest about what is going through my head.
The one thing I would like in this world is someone to love who loves me in return. While I have been in love and had people who said they were in love with me the two have never intersected.
I know there are reasons why I am still single
1) I am very picky.
I have had several friends tell me I need to lower my standards. Maybe I do, but I don’t feel that would be fair to him or me. I don’t want to settle for someone because he was the best thing to come along without truly being in love with him.
2) I tend to fall to fast and hard.
This usually, no always scares them away. I need someone who instead of running is willing to say I really like you but slow down. I’ve tried to do this on my own and have yet to succeed.
3) I get very clingy.
This one goes hand in hand with number 2. If my falling so fast doesn’t send him running at breakneck speed in the opposite direction of me, my trying to hold on too tightly does. Maybe I need to listen to .38 Special more often!
There are probably many other reasons but these are the BIG 3 I have been able to devise from the few guys I have dated over the years.
So I know where my problems lie and though I have and continue to try, I have yet to overcome them.
There are advantages to being single
1) I can pretty much come and go as I please.
2) I have no one to question why I did or didn’t do something.
3) My time/money/life is my own.
I guess until Mr. Right comes along I need to concentrate more on these things and stop wishing he were here right now.

Diverse Weekend

2008-06-23T16:46:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was yet another example of how diverse my experiences on this spinning orb are. Saturday night I attended the Bellville Outfit's Extravaganza '08. Listened to some great tunes from some bands I had heard about but had not heard for myself, i.e. Shane Pruitt Band and the Greencards all I can say is WOW! If you haven't heard either of the bands yet pull up there web sites and give them a listen. There were also some other bands there I have heard before and always enjoy hearing again The Col Gene Wyatt trio and the DAM Combo. Then of course there was The Bellville Outfit, they just blow me away every time I hear them, they just keep getting better and better. Spartanburg's musical legacy is definitely in very capable hands for the foreseeable future.

Sunday Night I went to my friends Christy and Lewis's house to play D&D. I haven't played D&D since I was in High School some 20 years ago and wasn't the best at it back then, but Christy and Lewis are 2 of my best friends and Lewis wanted to get this group going so I jumped in with both feet. My character is an Eladrin Archer, for those of you who don't know what that is think Legolas from The Lord of the Rings. It was great fun, though we are all still learning. I also got to meet some new friends which is always a plus.

As far as what the rest of this week holds Tuesday night is the final night of my bowling league before our summer break, Wednesday night is the monthly meeting of the Upstate Clay Connection, Thursday is the opening show for our new AIR'S at Hub-Bub and Friday night I have to work. I am lucky to have such diverse and interesting friends in my life. I truly am blessed.

Nicholas Dowgwillo

2008-06-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

A few months ago while attending an event at The Showroom I was talking with Nicolas one of our Artist in Residence, and he said to me why don't you get up there, you have something to say don't you. Boy was that a wake up call. It made me realize that for most of my almost 45 years on this planet I had been merely existing. Yes I have had some great experiences in my life and visited many wonderful places but having something to say well I never really thought about it.
Being a part of Hub-Bub had already reawakened my creative soul and I have been attempting to create my own art if for no other purpose than my on enjoyment and nourishing my creative soul. Since that night though finding my voice and what I had to say has become a nagging obsession. I'm not sure that blogging is the answer but hopefully chronicling my life will be a step in the right direction for this new adventure. Thank you Nicholas.